


Not A Friend

by frankie_mcstein



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, He's Not A Friend, Higgins Is A BAMF, Humor Believe It Or Not, Katsumoto Has Had It With Everyone, Mild Stabbing, OMC- Brad, we hate him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankie_mcstein/pseuds/frankie_mcstein
Summary: "Katsumoto stared at the scene in front of him, taking in the evidence bags containing a fork, a butter knife, and a ladle, as well as the angry red marks he could see disappearing beneath the sleeves of Higgins’ top. He shook his head before walking over to the trio sat at the table."Brad is an old friend of Magnum's, not someone Higgins wants to start a fight over. But she can't stand by while someone is threatening members of her staff. And Brad isn't the sort of guy to let a woman tell him what to do.





	Not A Friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DinerGuy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinerGuy/gifts), [truthtakestime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthtakestime/gifts).



> The prompt (and working title) for this piece was "Stab him with a fork!" The alternative title was "Not-A-Friend Brad" because we dislike him. I deliberately yadda-yadda instead of offering an actual diagnosis to avoid any misinformation issues- this is meant to be fun, not problematic. 
> 
> Oh, and Higgins totally refers to Magnum, Rick, and T.C as a group as "her boys" because my headcanon says so and I cannot shake it.

Higgins watched the four men playing two aside football with a frown; since the boys’ friend, Brad, had shown up, she’d been approached by two of the female members of the household staff. They had both complained to her about how free he had been with his hands and how disturbing some of the comments he’d made to them were. One of the male groundskeepers had come to see her too, saying that he had been terrified when Brad had tried to pick a fight with him. She had approached Brad about it earlier, making sure none of the others were in earshot, and told him his attention and his aggression were unwelcome. He’d seemed to accept what she was saying, even offered her a smile and an apology. But there had been definite tension in the air, and she had made excuses not to go down to the east lawn with them.

Now she was watching her boys running around with a man so unlike them all and struggling to understand the connection between them. Part of her said it was something to do with the fires of war and that she would never understand. But another part of her didn’t want to accept that her boys liked the company of this predatory bully.

‘He’s going soon,’ she told herself with a sigh, turning away from the window as the men started back toward the house. ‘Just two more days.’ It didn’t help as much as she’d hoped. As majordomo she was responsible for the wellbeing of everyone employed by the estate, and the idea of having someone staying who could threaten or hurt her staff didn’t sit well with her. But she really didn’t want to spark an argument with her boys either, especially over an old army friend.

As she sat at her desk and tried to focus on the accounts for the estate, the sun began to set and a fire started flickering on the edge of her vision. The fire pit was a new addition to the east lawn, one that had been used most nights since it was installed. Normally she would have happily wandered down and taken a seat. But she didn’t feel able to do that now with Brad sitting there. She didn’t think he would make a fuss about their conversation, but she couldn’t be sure, and, if she was being honest, she was worried that his version of events would make her out to be the bad guy.

“Just two more days,” she muttered out loud, seeing a shadow moving past her window and realising it was Brad, headed back to the guest house where he'd been staying in the spare bedroom. She narrowed her eyes and frowned in his general direction before resolutely turning back to her laptop. She didn’t look up when he went back down toward the fire so she didn’t realise how long he had been in the guest house. She didn’t stop working again until a quiet knock on her door distracted her from that week’s grocery order.

“Malia? What are you doing here so late?” The young woman stepped into the room and Higgins saw at once she had been crying. She stood and put a hand on the other woman’s shoulder, pressing her gently into the computer chair. “Tell me what happened.”

“It was nothing too much.” Malia’s voice was shaky. “He just… he held my arms so tightly, I was afraid.”

Higgins tried not to let the anger she was feeling show, not wanting Malia to think it was directed at her. “Who, Malia?” Higgins asked as gently as she could, knowing the answer. As soon as Malia said “Brad,” Higgins asked if she should call the police, but Malia looked so panicked at the idea that Higgins ended up reassuring her that it wasn’t necessary. Instead she called Kumu, asking her to sit with Malia until her brother could come and pick her up. Then she headed down to the small group gathered around the fire. 

Four faces looked up at her arrival, three of them looking happy to see her. But she was focused on the fourth, the one that looked sour.

“You really are a sod, aren’t you?” She made sure the anger and disgust she was feeling was showing on her face and carried in her voice. Brad stood, raising his hands and plastering a smile on his face.

“Oh, hey now,” he said with a laugh. “Is this about that little maid? That was just a miscommunication.”

“I’m familiar with those sorts of ‘miscommunications,’” Higgins spat. “The woman thinks she’s saying something like ‘you’re hurting me, let me go,’ and the creep who keeps bothering her thinks she’s saying something like ‘please put your hand on my knee and slide it up to my crotch.’” Brad swallowed hard and Higgins realised her boys, who had been looking confused, were starting to look angry. She wasn’t sure if it was aimed at her or Brad and wasn’t sure she wanted to find out. She kept talking to stop anyone else from saying something.

“In order to avoid any further pesky little miscommunications allow me to make myself perfectly clear.” She took a step forward, pleased to see Brad take a step back in the face of her anger. “If you ever lay a finger on a member of my staff again, you will be pulling back a stump.” She paused before adding through clenched teeth, “and I’m not talking about your hands.” Then she spun on her heel and started to walk away only to hear Brad calling after her.

“Do you think I’m afraid of a woman?” He looked smug as she turned back.

“Oh no. I don’t think you have the good sense to be afraid of me.” She walked back to the edge of the group, not even noticing the looks Brad was receiving from the other three men. All her attention was focused on him as he scoffed.

“Why would I be scared of you? I used to work with men like them for a living. Now they're scary,” he laughed, guestering to the men who were staring with wide eyes at him. Higgins took another step closer to him.

“I used to make men like them look like Mother Teresa for a living,” she hissed, her fury tightly controlled now, ready to be used as a weapon if it was needed. Brad tried to look amused, but he fell short. “Look at your friends' faces. Do they think I’m lying?” Her voice was low, deathly quiet. Any one who had known her back in Britain would have said she was at her most dangerous in moments like this. She watched as Brad’s eyes slid away from her to stare at the ground. “Don’t push me, sunshine.”

And this time when she walked away, turning her back with a slow, deliberate move designed to show how utterly unthreatened she was by him, there was nothing but silence behind her.

As she walked back into her office she heard voices erupt on the lawn and her anger dissolved into a deep sadness. If they believed the accusations she had leveled against Brad, then her boys would never forgive him for attacking defenceless people. And if Brad managed to smooth things over with them, then they would never forgive her for attacking Brad's character. Regardless of whose side they took, her boys were likely going to lose a friend over this.

Footsteps behind her had her spinning around, and she saw Magnum standing at the edge of the door.

"Can I come in?" he asked, uncharacteristically hesitant, as if he was worried she would say no. 

"Of course." Higgins didn't bother trying to smile, his attitude was worrying her and she was anxious about what he was about to say.

"I thought you should know I told Brad to leave. I don't want him staying here anymore." He looked miserable and Higgins felt a surge of sympathy rush through her.

"Magnum I'm so sorry about…" she began, but Magnum shook his head and she trailed off.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I knew he was acting odd, but I still invited him to stay here. This is my fault."

The two talked for a while longer, with Higgins offering up the details of the staffs' claims and Magnum explaining that they suspected Brad was self-medicating, but had no idea why. He told her Rick and T.C had left with him and were hoping to try to talk to him about therapy. Neither of them felt much better when they said good-night, but their relationship was back on the solid ground that they were used to.

***

The following afternoon saw Higgins counting cutlery; Robin had volunteered the Nest for a fundraiser involving a three-course meal. She didn’t hear Brad walking up behind her. He grabbed her shoulder, making her jump, and she realised as soon as she looked at him that he was drunk.

“We need to talk.” He was slurring his words, and Higgins felt a rush of adrenaline as she tried to remember which shoulder T.C had mentioned Brad dislocating.

“We don’t have anything to talk about,” she said, keeping her voice calm and quiet, hoping to deescalate the situation even as her fingers were walking across the tabletop to the cutlery.

“Yeah we do.” Brad gripped Higgins’ upper arms so tightly she knew she would have bruises before the day was out. “You humiliated me in front of my friends!” His grip tightened and Higgins winced at the pain, resigning herself to the idea that she wasn’t going to get away without a fight.

The sound of nails on hardwood floor made Brad look away from her, and Zeus and Apollo came charging in, growling and barking at the man holding their mistress. Apollo lunged forward as Brad lashed out, and the vicious kick caught the Doberman in the jaw. The resulting whimper made Higgins see red; she grabbed the first thing she could reach and brought her hand up in a tightly controlled arc. It wasn’t until Brad let go of her arms that she realised she had stabbed his right hand with a fork.

“Hey!” Higgins looked behind Brad to see Magnum standing with Zeus beside him, looking furious and holding, of all things, a butter knife. “Give it up, Brad. Don’t make this worse than it already is.” There was silence for a moment, and then Brad yelled and threw himself forward. To Higgins, it looked as though Magnum really did try to move out of the way. But he clearly hadn’t been expecting his friend to attack him, and the movement was too slow.

There was a gasp from both men, and Brad staggered back to slump against the wall beside the door, the butter knife sticking out from his shoulder. He looked at Magnum, who had moved to stand next to Higgins. Brad moved as if planning on attacking them both only to slump to the floor with both hands holding his head, revealing Kumu standing in the doorway with a large ladle in her hands.

Brad seemed more shocked than hurt. The entire time they were waiting for the ambulance he never said a word, just stared at the handle of the butter knife while absentmindedly rubbing his head with his left hand and holding the right against his jacket to stop the four tiny punctures from bleeding.

Katsumoto walked in just as EMTs were finishing up with Brad, taping a small bandage in place on his shoulder.

“None of the wounds are that bad, there’s no need for us to take him in,” they said with a nod to the two uniformed officers who were supervising the scene, having been called by the EMTs when they saw the knife.

Katsumoto stared at the scene in front of him, taking in the evidence bags containing a fork, a butter knife, and a ladle, as well as the angry red marks he could see disappearing beneath the sleeves of Higgins’ top. He shook his head before walking over to the trio sat at the table.

“Katsumoto!” Magnum called as he noticed the detective. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard the call, something about a possible assault…”

“And you came rushing over because you were worried about me?” Magnum jumped in, earning himself a glare.

“I didn’t want to miss a possible opportunity to arrest you, Magnum.” For once the younger man took note of Katsumoto’s tone of voice and settled down, although the smirk on Higgins’ face wasn’t doing Katsumoto’s nerves any favours either. “Now, someone tell me what happened.”

The next few minutes were some of the longest Katsumoto had ever lived through. Magnum, Higgins, and Kumu all took it in turns to give him their versions of the most absurd story he had ever heard, each time culminating in the phrase, “the poor man really is just so clumsy.” Every time he turned to the man now sitting on the other side of the table to ask him “is this really how it happened?” the man just shrugged and nodded.

“So,” Katsumoto said, rubbing his eyes briefly before glaring at Higgins. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You were setting the table?” At her nod he continued, “and Brad here didn’t see you, in this clear sunlight, and accidently walked into you?” 

“Exactly,” Higgins said, her tone of voice saying she was impressed by how succinctly it had been put so far.

“And you just happened to be holding a fork?”

“Yes, that’s correct, Detective.” Higgins gave him a small, sheepish smile and, if he hadn’t seen her standing next to Magnum so often, Katsumoto might actually have been fooled. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but Magnum interrupted.

“That’s exactly how it happened, Katsumoto. I saw the whole thing.”

“Right before Brad here turned away from Higgins and walked himself into your butter knife?” In Katsumoto’s opinion, Magnum’s innocent face wasn’t as good as Higgins’, and he narrowed his eyes at Magnum’s answer.

“I was hurrying over to make sure Brad was okay and must have been a little closer than he realised.”

“It was like something on the TV.” This from Kumu who didn’t react to Katsumoto’s scowl at all. “And I was so worried about the poor man that I was rushing over and tripped and I completely forgot I was carrying the ladle.” Faced with three perfectly straight faces and near identical expressions of bright innocence, Katsumoto did the only thing he could think of. He turned to Brad and tried one more time to get something resembling sense.

“Are you sure this is the story you want to go with?” Once again the man just shrugged, not even looking up. Katsumoto wasn’t happy. It was obvious from the marks on Higgins’ arms and the protective look on both Magnum and Kumu’s faces that this Brad character had done something incredibly stupid and paid a price. What he couldn’t figure out was why everyone was lying to him. He shook his head and turned to the uniformed men. “You heard them; there’s nothing for us to do here.” 

Higgins smiled brightly at his words. “Thank you for coming all the way out here, Detective,” she said. “I’m sure we won’t need to bother you again.”

Brad suddenly sat up straight, eyes blazing. “Are you?” he hissed. “Are you so sure I’m not a threat, huh?” And Brad shifted to the side and made a grab for Katsumoto’s gun.

The detective grabbed Brad’s thumb and twisted, pulling the man out of his chair as he tried desperately to ease the immense pressure on the delicate joint. The two officers had their hands on their own sidearms but, as Katsumoto waved them over, they let go of their weapons in favour of seizing Brad and pushing him to the floor to cuff him. As Brad was being led away, Katsumoto turned back to the other three, looking hard at the marks on Higgins’ arms again, wanting them all to know that he knew exactly what had actually happened.

“I can see how clumsy your friend is,” he said, letting his tone tell them what he thought of their ridiculous story while he words told them he wasn’t going to push them. “I'd better go make sure he doesn’t bump his head while he’s getting in the car.” And he walked out, still not too sure why they hadn’t just told him that Brad had assaulted Higgins but content to charge the idiot with trying to steal his service weapon.

Back in the kitchen Kumu had turned to Magnum. “Why on earth did he try to steal Katsumoto’s gun?” She sounded disgusted by Brad’s lack of respect for all their hard work. “All he had to do was stay quiet and not do anything stupid.”

Magnum just shook his head. “There’s something wrong with him. I’m not too sure what. Judging by this, I’d guess Rick and T.C didn’t manage to convince him to go to a therapist.” He looked upset, and Higgins reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.

“You can’t help everyone, Magnum. Especially not someone who doesn’t want help.” After a short silence, broken by the sound of the police car pulling away and Magnum’s heavy sigh, Higgins spoke up again. “What I don’t understand is why on earth you grabbed a butter knife.”

“I was wondering about that too,” Kumu said. Both women looked happier when Magnum huffed a laugh.

“I saw you stab him, Higgy, and figured you must have a good reason.”

“He kicked Apollo.” Her voice was hard and flat, but Magnum stared at her in shock.

“Are you telling me I just defended your demon hell spawn dogs?”

**Author's Note:**

> Certain people really wanted me to stab someone with a fork. We blame Leverage. The butter knife and ladle were just logical expansions. Honest.


End file.
